Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
