Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
