Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
