Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
