ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
did i just pee glitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
