his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think i got beer on your cat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
