She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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