This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
