What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
