NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
