That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
