The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize