He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
