I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
