you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
