If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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