No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And then he peed in my hair
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