Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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