I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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