Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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