dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Drake has all the answers
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
