I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
