And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
