Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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