no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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