I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
