24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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