Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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