lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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