I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize