i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
