I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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