After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
