fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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