New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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