I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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