her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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