can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
