I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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