It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just had sex bonerless
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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