He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
