do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
