No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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