How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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