I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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