He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize