I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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