Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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