I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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