On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
