I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
