i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
