Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
two words...techno handjob
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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