just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
