You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
