Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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