Ambien. No doubt about it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
