I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
