i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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