arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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