I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My vagina is officially offended.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
