But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
