well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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