Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
