I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
