i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
