Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
