are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
