I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
