How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
